Punch lines in search of jokes

But mom, I said there were TWO of them.
Then he "waddled" back to where he came from.
That was Zen. This is Mao.
La cucina? Si, veramente la cucina!
Yes, but not for you.
It's back outside, with the help of a plunger and a dustbin.
"I glove the day you prove."
Two treads are better than one!
This is not the year of the dog, it's the year of the monkey.
"That's not a bug -- it's a feature."
Bling bling to me only with thine ice!
It said, "some assembly required," but this is not what I was expecting.
Sacks of one, half a lozenge of the other.
Sliver me timbers!
Who let the frogs out?
No, she's Glanda. The morally ambivalent witch of the northnortheast.
When you find out, let me know. Again.
That's the second time you've said "trout" today.
It's everywhere YOU are.
Once! Twice! THREE times a deity!
That's what happens when you put your money where your mouth is.
That's why they call it a corpuscle.
Ah, but in Version 2.1 you have to use the Pointer tool for that!
It's exactly what Partch would have done. Except without the microtones.
That's what happens when the starter's pistol gets stuck in your nose.
Mosquitoes? I thought you said Burritos!
I'm afraid my aim isn't that precise.
Link to me only with thine thighs.
When I said we were on a tight budget, I wasn't talking about Danskins.
No, YOU go.

I'm screwed. I had a taco and an enema.
I'm sure the hamster would beg to differ.
True, but not if you count backwards.
Hence the term ... long shot.
I'll have to sharpen it later, then.
Because we have special powers. Like Fred Farkle!
It wasn't Marmite -- it was Cronkite.
So the ferrets stopped asking about breakfast.